Rewiring Is Possible! Discover The Threads That Are At Play | 008

Nicole Lohse: 00:00:00

You may be familiar with the saying what's wired together fires together. And thanks to neuroplasticity and the recognition that our brain is malleable, that our brain and the way our brain and body communicate through our nervous system can change means that the survival patterns that we find ourselves stuck in can also shift and transform. Now in this episode, I want to invite you to deepen your awareness around the many threads that are involved in the way you're wired and programmed, the more you can recognize these many threads and how they're entangled, or how some pieces some threads are even missing in certain dynamics, the more you can support yourself to shift out of the patterns, you find yourself stuck in and support new programming to take place. Now, I do want to name that sometimes this process can be slow, and it's like we have a big ball of yarn, and all we're doing is slowly teasing apart each thread to recognize the different dynamics at play. And other times something happens and we move through an experience. And all of a sudden, we feel a very different sense of capacity, a very different awareness of ourselves and our connection and to our sense of wholeness. And the shift is almost instantaneous. And the way we show up in our life is different. Now, I do want to name different isn't this dramatic shift, you're not all of a sudden, fully free of your survival patterns, because that would be quite a shock to our system. But pay attention to notice, like, when do you respond differently in certain situations? Or when do you feel like you have capacity to handle something? When usually wouldn't? Or when are you just more aware of choice points, or more aware of just how you are showing up and whatever dynamic is at play. This is an ongoing practice. And what I'm inviting you into exploring here is an ongoing inquiry, right, our programming runs deep generational deep past life deep, right? There's a lot at play here. So the more we recognize that we get to play with pausing, and noticing what dynamics are at play, seeing what threads we can tease apart, or how we can weave together a new possibility. And then it all takes time, although sometimes the shift can be quite instant. So to begin, I want to keep things relatively simple to start in our inquiry, and then we're gonna go into more of the depth of the impact that culture has had on us, and how deep our programming and our wiring really lies. But let's keep it simple to start so that we can make more sense of the dynamics that are at play. And then we can go from there. And what I'll be weaving in is both a mixture of what I've learned through somatic experiencing, as well as the Feldenkrais Method and those that aren't familiar with the Feldenkrais Method. It's about exploring what our patterns and our habits are, and learning how to be more efficient with how we use ourselves relative to movement. So the practice is very much rooted in becoming aware of the patterning and how do we notice the overcompensation? The under compensation? And how do we support the rewriting to happen, so that we're in our organization in the way that we are designed to be organized. With that comes movement. That is easy. Now, from a somatic experiencing perspective, what we'll be weaving in is curiosity around where dynamics are over coupled, where something is there when it doesn't necessarily need to be there, or under coupled when something shouldn't be there and it's missing. Right? So the wiring is skewed or the wiring is faulty, I don't want to say faulty because it still serves purpose of some kind. But there's an opportunity for us to recognize when there's an over coupling and an entangled mess of things that don't necessarily belong, or an under coupling when things are missing when they should be there. Then there's general healthy coupling, which is learning this is when we learn something, our brain is constantly wiring to whatever it is we're learning. And when the healthy coupling is at play, that wiring has happened because it's serving a purpose in our way of being in the world of thriving in the world or also surviving in the world when there's a threat. When there's not a threat. We don't need to be wired or on an alert and stuck in the certain survival patterns that we may find ourselves. Zen. So I'll be weaving all of that into what we explore here, I just want to really honor the practices of Feldenkrais and somatic experiencing and how they definitely have influenced my way of speaking to the understanding of our own wiring and our own programming. Now, to begin, this simple example we're going to play with is driving a car. Now, I do recognize some of you listening may have never driven a car. But you could also consider what it would be like as a passenger in the car, or what it's like to just get into public transit, or go on a walk in a familiar area. What I'm looking for here is something that you do that's easy that you don't put much thought in, and you just are kind of in a way on autopilot, and you just do the thing. Now, for driving a car. There's a lot at play, right? We're watching the flow of traffic, we're observing signs, street lights, and what they're doing pedestrians and what they're doing what's happening behind us, what's happening around us, what are the constant changes, and how do we have to adapt to whatever changes happening while on the road. Now, when we first learned to drive, that doesn't come as natural. But once we've programmed ourselves to understand the ways of the road, we can do it with a fair amount of ease, unless we have trauma entangled in it, and we'll get there in a second. So if you don't find driving easy, you'll relate more to what I'll speak to in a moment. And for those of us that find driving relatively easy, and I personally really enjoy driving, I see it as a way to really be present with what's happening in the changing environment around me. Although, of course, we can, myself included, also just drop into autopilot and lose awareness of what happened around us. And we're like, what I'm already here, I don't even remember what I just drove by.

Nicole Lohse: 00:07:02

But this practice of driving is something that happens without much thought with a fair amount of ease, again, unless you had something entangled in it. And it's a something that we developed over time through learning, right, our brain, and our body learned through the practice of driving to allow us to drive with ease. That is healthy coupling taking place, I'll get a little more specific with an example. Let's say I'm driving on a highway, and there's a set of lights coming up, and I can see that it's green. So I'm going my usual pace. And then when I see it turned orange, I'll do one of two things. I'll even either slow down, because I know that that orange means the light is turning red, I live in British Columbia, that's what the lights do here at least. Right? So my brain knows, okay, orange light means I need to stop soon. So I'm gonna slow down. Or maybe you're the type of person that without much thought sees the orange light and steps on your gas to speed up to beat the change in the light. Right. So there's a pattern that might be in place there. Now, if someone from another country arrived and didn't have that same light system, because there are a few countries that don't, or maybe you never experienced lights, and you don't even know what a green and an orange and a red light mean, right, then that programming won't be yet in place. And it'll take you a moment to learn that to reprogram that into your system so that you then are able to follow the rules of the road. What I now want to weave in is when things get entangled, so I'm going to use a car accident as an example. And I do want to name that when I'm speaking to having a car accident. If your cellular system has a memory of a car accident, it's quite possible that you might notice your physiology change as I'm talking about this. So I encourage you to pause and notice anything that shifts in your experience that indicates that something is happening, that represents flavors of a car accident that you had, because this is where the entangled mess gets to come in. And what's really cool when we explore just through reflecting on something or having someone else reflect on something, it's possible that our body will remember whatever it was like or whatever it is we're stuck in, in the moment. And it's only the small part of our brain that has a sense of time. And that's what's really cool about using imagination and reflecting on things to inquire into our experiences, because the more we can refine our ability to live Listen to what's happening within our body. And within our whole human experience, really, the more we can notice these entangled threads that are at play with our programming with these experiences that we find ourselves in. So naming that so that you can pause and notice your experience and listen to what's going on for you. So I'm going to use a car accident that I was in, and I've been in a few fender benders, and one pretty big car crash note, no major injuries, but I definitely have stuff in my body. So when I talk about it, I will notice that. So this one car accident I was in, I was driving and the person in front of me was slamming on their brakes. And as I saw that happening, I looked in my rearview mirror, not consciously, it was just automatic look in the rearview mirror. And I saw the car coming behind me quite quickly, seemingly unaware that we were stopping. So without thinking it's no more the autonomic nervous system taking action turned, I turned to the side to get out of the way so that I wouldn't hit that front car and also in hopes that the car behind me wouldn't hit me with a car behind me hit me. So in that I wasn't thinking about what I needed to do. And upon reflection, it can often feel like it happens in slow motion. And there is a thought process. And you know, it's happening so fast that it's often more of our autonomic nervous system taking action and the messaging in between our brain and our body, happening through our autonomic nervous system, responding quickly to get us out of danger in those types of situations. Now,

Nicole Lohse: 00:11:46

what I'm noticing, as I reflect on it, as I'm aware of looking in my rearview mirror, my eyes going wider, my hands bracing, the steering wheel more, my shoulders getting tight in anticipation for the impact. And I can also notice my breath is a little higher in my chest, I'm kind of holding and clenching in my diaphragm, this embracing in my spine as well. So through reflecting and telling the story of this minor, you know, rerender, there's still something happening in my physiology as a room, a memory of that. Now, in episode two of this podcast, I speak to the threat response cycle. And when there is a threat in our environment, or a perceived threat, we want to move through this experience, and recognize when we're safe again, that's us moving through the threat response cycle when we move through whatever we're experiencing in relationship to the threat or perceived threat. And then once we recognize we're safe again, we've moved through that cycle. And we're back in connection back and then the exploratory state, when we experienced trauma, we find ourselves stuck in that threat response cycle. So this there are layers for me that are still probably have some work to do around that car accident. But for the most part, I moved through that experience, but I'm gonna pretend I didn't. Okay, so I'm gonna pretend that when I got hit, I all of a sudden froze. And I didn't feel my body anymore, I got out of the car. And I don't even really remember talking to the person, the ambulance came. And I was just rigid and stiff and in shock, and didn't really have a sense of what was going on in my body or who was really even talking to me, right. And I'm kind of stuck in the shock of being hit in the anticipation of being hit of waiting to be hit more. So the reason why I'm naming this is if I got stuck in the threat response cycle, then for some reason, now anytime I get in a car, I noticed this anticipation present, I noticed that I'm holding my breath a little bit and I'm hyper focused and really alert and my muscles are really tense in my shoulders in my neck. It's like I'm bracing in anticipation of impact, even though there is no danger around. Now, this is these threads I'm talking about. And what I like to name here is what fired together, got wired together. So before what I mentioned was what wires what's wired together, fires together, but now what I'm wanting to name is what's firing together can get wired together. So with this example of the car accident, what was firing I was anticipation in anticipation for impact. I was bracing for impact. So my movements and my muscles or the behavior and my muscles really terrified. My spine got really long I embrace my hands were holding tight, my eyes are wide. And my jaw is clenched, right. And I'm in that anticipation. So I have a number of different things firing at that moment. And then because I got stuck in that, they're all wired together. So now when I get in a car, I've got this wiring where I'm in the car, this equals danger, I better brace, I better be in anticipation, maybe I experienced some fear, maybe you know, I have a hard time going down a certain road or the road that had happened on right. So all of this has been was firing at that moment. And now it's been wired together. Now in a c term, somatic experiencing terms, that is the over coupling. So now I have over coupled anticipation, bracing in my muscle tone, this clenching of my hands on the steering wheel, it's hard for me to be relaxed in the car. And all of that has been entangled, those threads are now part of a big ball of yarn that's quite messy. So why I'm naming this is when we're in our day to day, we can start to notice where there are experiences that don't necessarily belong. But they're there. And they're there for a reason they're there. Because we're stuck somewhere in the threat response cycle, a part of us at least to stuck in that in our physiology, or the way that we're sensing things or experiencing our environment is a reflection of where we're stuck. So by pausing and noticing what's entangled, what's there when it doesn't need to be, we get to really see the different threads that are involved in the threat response cycle that we're stuck in. Now, the other thing I want to mention is these under coupled pieces, these missing pieces, and this can kind of be a little trickier because they're missing the over a couple of pieces where we're all entangled can be a lot easier to see and a lot easier to start to tease apart and see as separate situations. So in the car accident example, I could start to see that oh, the muscle tone and the tightness and my shoulders and my neck. That's a result of me still being in that brace in anticipation of being hit. It's, it's not that the massages I'm getting aren't working, it's that my physiology is stuck in survival, it's stuck in anticipation of the impact and trying to protect me from that impact, right? Okay, there's one piece, there's this muscular tone that stuck in that. And when I get in the car, I also noticed my lungs, I have a harder time breathing, or I'm barely breathing. Okay, that's another thread that I can notice. And I also noticed that I have a hard time, you know, carrying on a conversation with other people while they're in their car, because I'm so focused on driving, and I'm so on and alert, okay, that's another piece. So we get to start to see these different threads that are involved, to tease them out a little bit more. The under coupled piece. For me, for example, if I use this cart accident example, it might be because I was in shock. And I froze, I actually didn't get to feel all that energy that was arriving as that person came to hit me. And actually, there's a lot of sympathetic tone. There's a lot of awesomeness. And this energy that wants to do something, right, there's a shaking that wants to happen. But I'm unaware of it because I'm still stuck in the frozenness of being in the shock of the impact. And the more I pay attention, I start to feel this quiver in my body. So that's an under coupled a missing piece that's starting to come forward come online, to show me like Oh, there's more energy here that wants to be moved through. Because when we move through the threat response cycle again, if you're not familiar with it, I speak to it in the second episode of the podcast, the more we move, support ourselves to move through that, then we're starting to get pieces of the puzzle coming into play, to support the muscle tone to no longer have to brace or need to no longer have to be in anticipation of being hit because I was hit. I feel the tremoring of that. For example. It might not always be that right? I feel the shaking. I feel my breath starts to change and become more rapid. There's more sympathetic tone online. There's more on this online there's more action mode online. And oh, I just took a breath and I think I just wrote a wave Nicole speaks to that and some of her pieces like in the experiential guide and in the first the second and third episode. Oh, okay. Something just shifted. Right that's you reprogramming that's you create seeing a shift in the story in the wiring that currently exists relative to whatever you're stuck in. Now, I'm going to pause for a sec here and invite you to also pause because what I'm offering here is a lot of information. And just notice how connected are you to your own experience right now? Are you aware of your butt on the chair or your feet on the ground? Are you aware of your state right now? Or are you on an alert? Are you feeling shut down and disconnected from your whole experience? Are you feeling quite connected and aware of your environment around you. So just to take a moment to pause before we dive in to the next little piece. And remember, this is a recording, you can always pause it and come back because there may be little layers for you to get curious about. And that's why I created the second and the third episode is resources for you to come back to over and over again, and the experiential guide for you to revisit. And you're welcome to also check out my program, the foundation where it gives you even more resources to support you, and whatever may be showing up or whatever else you want to get curious about with all of this. All right, now I want to move into my second example. Because I want to point out how deep our wiring or patterning can lie. Now, there's something going around on social media right now, where people are asking fathers about their younger daughter, and if they would prefer to leave their younger daughter in the woods with a man or with a bear.

Nicole Lohse: 00:21:40

And it's quite interesting to witness the thought process of this father, considering leaving his daughter with either man no information about what the man is about, or a bear. And this can show us what kind of dynamics we have at play in relationship to what we associate a man to be, and what we associate a bear to be. Now, later on in that conversation, what is often then brought forward is like, well, what if it was a woman or a bear? Would you leave your little your daughter with a woman or a bear, and usually the person's like, oh, women, no brainer. So this is a great example of how we have been programmed to see men as one thing, and women is another thing. Now given, of course, based on history based on facts, it's understandable that there's hesitation to leave a child with a man. And this is a pretty deep seated, rooted pattern that exists within our culture. Now, what I want to explore here is, again, the patterns that are at play. So if we think about being a woman who's moving through the world, right, there are many experiences where there's fear of something happening, right? Again, based on history, based on our cultural experiences, it's understandable that there's fear, there are so many, I'm going to say women for now, because I want to weave in some other pieces. But there's an experience for many women that there's hesitancy to walk the streets at night, there's an anticipation that they live in, right. So they're on an alert and in anticipation, waiting for something to happen, or anticipating something to happen. And they start to see most men as this thing that's going to be dangerous, this thing that can't be trust this person that's definitely going to do harm. So that's an over coupling, the over coupling there is that all men are dangerous. And the experience is that they're stuck in the threat response cycle moving through life, in anticipation of something happening. Now, it's possible that in their lifetime, something did happen, and that they are stuck in the threat response cycle as a result of what happened. And then it's even more understandable why the fear is there, why the anticipation is there, why they move through life or through certain environments with caution. Right. And it's also possible that nothing has ever happened in their lifetime. But culturally, there's been this programming that's been put into place that has indicated that you know, I'm stereotyping and putting air quotes around all men are dangerous. ress. So there's this experience of moving through life in fear or moving through certain situations that might potentially bring on some sort of experience with another man, right? That indicates like, Oh, for sure, danger is going to happen, I have to be on, I have to be alert, I need to be ready. Now, I like to look at things as a spectrum. So the other end of the spectrum of that is you may be a woman that walks through the world, that is totally oblivious to any signs of danger, this would be more of an under coupled experience, right? You move through the world, and you're just like, whatever nothing's gonna happen. It's all good. Like I can, I can move through any sort of situation, and I'm oblivious to any signs of potential threat or danger. I'm easily convinced or tricked into things, right. And there's an under coupled experience, I don't see any signs of danger, even when the signs are quite clear. So that is a really good example of where there's an entangled messiness around, you know, men equal danger, or an obliviousness. And under a couple of experience of, oh, whatever, nothing, nothing will happen. I don't even see the danger signs. Now, notice where you fall into that spectrum, because there's also a range here, right? It might be that only in certain settings, if you're a woman, do you feel like a man might be dangerous. And it might be only in certain situations where you don't see the signs, and that allows you to see even more of the programming that's at play. Or maybe you don't notice threats, unless the threat is real. Right? That's what we're working towards is more of this mid range experience where I can move through the world and I can have trust, and I can be open to connection, unless proven otherwise, in that moment, that would be the healthy experience a healthy coupling involved in the relational dynamic in which we're playing with right here, right now. Now, of course, I use the male and the female example. But this can be applied to anything. We could even apply this to a man who also potentially feels like he has to walk around on eggshells around women based on his history, right? That he has to be really careful with what he says that he wants to make sure that he's there in a way where he allows the woman to feel empowered and but at the same time, undermines himself and lets himself be stepped on and lets himself be ran all over. Right? So there's so many different dynamics that are at play. And what I'd invite you to inquire into is, what are your dynamics? Where are their entangled messes, where there's something that shows up for you where there isn't an experience of safety and connection? When it could be safe, and there could be an opportunity for connection? Right? That's what we're here to look at is where are we stuck in survival when there isn't a reason around us to be in survival? Now, when there is because I'm walking down a street where, you know, there's known to be crimes, and I want to be a little more alert, then yes, I'm gonna walk down that street because it's dark. I know, there's often some crime here and I want to be in anticipation and ready for it. I of course want to do that. The key is, then when I get home, what happens? Do I stay on in anticipation? Do I totally collapse? Or am I able to move through that and recognize I'm home, I'm safe, and I'm okay. This is what it's all about, no matter what your patterns are, what no matter what the entangled ball of yarn is, or the missing pieces are. The key here is to recognize where you're stuck, the many threads that are involved in what you're stack. And also recognizing when you move through your experiences to recognize that Oh, actually, I'm okay. So, hopefully, that

Nicole Lohse: 00:29:30

makes some sense. I'm gonna again, invite you to pause and notice because I just dove into some pretty big pieces that involve a fair amount of cultural entanglement. Intergenerational pieces can often be entangled in how we now move through the world and how we are conditioned to see the world or navigate the world. And the more we can recognize the flavors in which we're stuck in survival. We're are aware, again, think of the threat response cycle, we're on an alert, we're in anticipation. We startle easily. We're in defense all the time, we're shut down and disconnected and under coupled from what's going on and aware of what's going on, dissociated, floating away, when we're stuck in those experiences. That's a place where we want to get curious. We want to see what threads are involved, what pieces are missing, what pieces are entangled, that don't necessarily need to be there. And how do we start to at least pause and notice and bring awareness to the different threads, I don't expect you to do more than that, that alone is already a massive practice. And this is what's really cool, the more we pan out, and we see the dynamics at play, and we hold it from a place of wholeness. Again, I cover this in the third episode, and in my experiential guide, so be sure to check those out. But the more we're able to pan out and see the many threads at play, and see the many dynamics at play and see the many patterns at play. See the many realities that can exist at one time, the more we pan out, and we can hold all those experiences from a place of grace, where we can have empathy for being human, where it's make sense that we're complex and have lots of entangled experiences that show up right and the more we're able to pan out and hold the awareness of what is without getting caught in our vortexes. The more we're able to shift the programming the wiring, and create change within the dynamics that are at play. So I encourage you to download the experiential guide, I encourage you to go back to the second and third episode and many times over. And I encourage you to listen to the other episodes because the other episodes I'll be weaving in all kinds of different curiosities around survival patterns, around the ways we navigate our life around all these different themes. And it's an ongoing exploration you get to do by deepening your experience of yourself, by deepening the understanding of the many layers that are that are at play the many threads that are at play the many missing pieces that aren't yet at play. And it allows you to really shift through whatever it is you're stuck in, so that less and less of you is stuck in survival. You end up having more capacity and more ability to be connected to the present moment into your genuine experience relative to what's happening in your environment around you. And there's so much richness that comes through the ongoing exploration especially when we learn to do it from a place of wholeness. So, be sure to check out the resources and feel free to share this episode for anyone with anyone who you think would be interested in benefit. And feel free to DM me if you have questions or if something's not clear, or if you want to share a has. I welcome that anytime. So thank you for being here. Happy exploring, and I'm intrigued to see where it all takes you